Foodfight! (2012)

Just take one long, hard look at this picture.

Just take one long, hard look at this picture.

As we have reviewed The Room, often named the worst movie of all time, it’s only fair that we take a look at Foodfight!, which is considered the worst animated movie of all time.

While The Room’s production was largely shrouded in mystery until actor Greg Sestero came out with his book The Disaster Artist, Foodfight! had a more well-known, and very troubled history. Foodfight! was originally slated for a Christmas 2003 release, but director Larry Kasanoff reported the hard drives containing the movie’s footage were stolen in an act of “industrial espionage”. This occurred after investors sank $25 million into the movie. 10 years and another $40 million later, we get we now know as Foodfight!

Foodfight! is about grocery store icons fighting for their place in a grocery store as the evil (generic) Brand X tries to take over.

What you will see the very second the movie starts is the absolutely nightmare-inducing animation. The vast majority of the character designs are absolutely hideous. There wasn’t a single texture that even looked nice, much less realistic. Keep in mind the final movie came out 2 years after Toy Story 3. Oh, who am I kidding? I’ve seen CG movies made in the mid 90s that have better textures than Foodfight! does.

Mechanically, not a single thing moved right. Characters moved their arms in exaggerated fashions in order to make up for their lifeless faces being unable to emote. The only times they even made eye contact with each other was complete coincidence. When two objects (or characters) were supposed to interact with one another, the movements did not even remotely mesh like they should have. There was one scene when two characters were walking away from the camera arm-in-arm. It was plainly obvious their arms weren’t connected; the animators clearly couldn’t get around the fact that there was a great disparity in height between the characters involved. To add insult to injury, Foodfight! was absolutely rife with continuity errors. I have never seen editing this sloppy in a movie, animated or otherwise. Clearly, the extra $40 million shows on the screen.

The troubles don’t end with the animation. The Room is a cult classic because we see Tommy Wiseau, while a completely inept filmmaker, being completely sincere in his efforts to make a movie that he thought would be good. Foodfight! on the other hand is one of the most mean-spirited movies I have ever seen.

Foodfight! was filled with jokes involving various bodily fluids that made me gag, including a running gag involving a doctor with a huge nose (yes, it’s a very racist caricature of Jewish people, complete with exaggerated Woody Allen accent) and all the snot that comes out of it. On top of that, the movie seemed like some odd exercise where the creative effort got to air out their sexual preferences, be they feet, schoolgirl uniforms, or even people of the same sex. What people like as far as that goes is their business, and I don’t have a problem with that. What I do have a problem with is the fact that Foodfight! is supposed to be a children’s movie; this simply has no place here.

I will also need to elaborate on the rather overt racism. One of the lead characters Dan (voiced by Wayne Brady) is the single most racist depiction of a black person I have ever seen in a movie made basically in the last 50 or 60 years, and it doesn’t stop there. We have the aforementioned Jewish doctor. Asian, Hispanic, and even Italian-American stereotypes are also exploited.

And what was the moral of the story? Recognizable product brands are good! Generic products are bad! I complain when movies have excessive product placement, but Foodfight! is a 91-minute product placement! The central conflict is iconic brands fighting back as generic Brand X, which is depicted as a bunch of hideous Nazis, try to take over. The Brand X characters come complete with goosesteps and a “Final Solution” of their own. I’m sure both very overt Nazi imagery and how lead character Dex (voiced by Charlie Sheen) claims to be fighting for the right of humans to do fun things like eating donuts are things you want your child to see, especially in this age of childhood obesity.

There was not a single thing right with this movie. Foodfight! is so bad that I wouldn’t just call it the worst animated feature of all time, which it certainly is. I think I have finally completed my quest to find the worst movie, animated or otherwise, ever made. I think I found it in the form of Foodfight!

Score: 0/4